tomorrow is the new year eve...

2011 just gonna pass like that...

hope tomorrow will be the wonderful day for us...

hope everything go smooth...*praying hard*...

hope the nightmare will stop by tomorrow...

hope you will really back to me...

im waiting for you...

please don't disappoint me...please...

whole night can't sleep well again...

when only i won't feel scared anymore??

when only i won't cry anymore??

i really feel so tired...i don't know what to do...

when only i will awake from the nightmare??

can this nightmare stop forever??

yesterday night i had a dream...

i dream about our baby...i dream that we have our baby...

that dream was so wonderful...having the happy family...

i know it just a dream...will never be come true...

but that dream do really make my heart feel warm...

just lost my iphone few days ago...

really feel so sad on that...

suddenly so many bad things happened to me...totally make me gonna crazy...

celebrated the christmas eve with you...

although just simple...but my heart really feel so happy...

thanks for the christmas present...i love it so much...

hope you have really come back to me and i won't lost you again...

*with love....* 

 *thanks for the christmas present...*

hope you really like the present that i gave you...

went for a short trip with hubby at 26th December...

camwhored before depart...

 khoon come along with us...

went to karak for lunch and durian...with murphy,his sifu and another 2 friends...

such a long time i didn't eat durian...cause of you...i try for it again...

last time i do really love to eat durian...but don't know why i stop it for so long...

after that all of us went to bukit tinggi...

such a long time didn't go bukit tinggi with hubby...

my heart do feel happy cause that was the place we spent our 1st christmas eve...

but my heart do feel sad cause you bring her here too...

my heart do really feel sad and pain at that time...i keep on ask myself not to think...

but my heart do really feel so pain...

walked around at there...took picture with hubby...

*hope this is the lovely you...*

reached kl at 7something...

went for dinner then reached home at 8something...

once i reached home...my heart started to feel scared...

everytime when i reached home early...my heart will feel scared...cause i don't know what you doing...

i hate this feeling so much...i really hate this so much...

when only the nightmare will go away from me??

when my life will become happy again??

i don't want all these nightmare anymore...i don't want feel scared anymore...

i don't want scared of losing you anymore...

will you really come back??will i lost you again??

p/s:sorry make you use so much of money...sorry give you so much of burden...i hope i can help you too...but this time i'm totally broke...i'm really so sorry...i will help you again once i stand up...

today is the winter solstice festival...

this year i just passed like that without you...

i still remember how we passed last year..we were having family dinner with your parents...

we were so happy and sweet that time...i miss the day so so so badly...

now i think back all these...just make my tears drop non-stop...

my heart feel so pain...just like someone cutting my heart into pieces...

you know how much i miss our happy days??

still my heart feel sad...keep on fore myself not to think...

but still sometime will think of you...think of our past...

force myself not to find you...it's hard and painful...but i have to do so...

putting a smile on my face doesn't mean im happy and okay...

it's just another way for me to cover my sadness and pain...

hope i will recover from this..i feel so tired...

i really feel so tired of crying alone...

today drive to your hometown without you...

reached there around 1something...

feel happy to see you...

pray for popo...then just sitting there accompany you...

you took me for a ride by bicycle...my heart really feel happy...because that's the 1st time you fetching me by bicycle after we couple for so many years...

eventhough just a short ride...but my heart fill with your love...

suddenly cried...because something make me feel sad...

looking at the place...make me think back our past...last time we were so sweet and good...

but now...we are so different...my heart full of tears and pain...

went back at 5something...

you know??i really thought you will feel happy to see me...but all these just my stupid thinking...

i feel that i had done something silly again...

i always hope that why don't i just run away from the truth...just continue like this if im happy??

but the truth always force me to face it...and it's so cruel...

i thought you said you love me...you miss me...you need me all these from your true heart...

i thought you really find your way back to our lovely home...

but these are just what i thought...my heart feel so pain...

tears keep on falling down from my eyes...i feel so so so sad...

don't know why my heart feel so lost...feel so uncomfortable...

is it cause of the words she said make me feel like that??

i suddenly feel the words she said very scary...

make my heart feel so insecure...

my heart feel so scared...feel so lost and feel so uncomfortable...

i feel so horrible...never had this kind of feelings before...

tears keep on wanna fall down from my eyes...

i hate this feeling...i hate to cry alone...i hate this...

suddenly feel lost...

suddenly feel don't know what can i do...

feel myself so damn useless...

everyday i keep on asking myself the same question...

why this will happen??why will become like this??why why why??

so so so many why inside my head...and i can't get the answer...

i feel so so so tired...

don't know why my heart feel so uncomfortable...feel so sad...i can feel that it's crying...

is it cause of your grandma suddenly pass away??

feel sad that this suddenly happened...

R.I.P popo...hope you will be good in heaven...god bless you...

suddenly feel wanna cry at this moment...

this year christmas will be a lonely christmas for me...

1st time christmas without you...how will it be??

i can't imagine at all...

my heart feel scared...feel so insecure...

suddenly feel my heart is crying...

each delete button i click on the photos...my heart feel so so so pain...

feel wanna cry again...i hate this...i hate this feeling...

*all i want for chirstmas is you...*

thanks for bringing me go ulu yam for my favourite loh mee...

really appreciate what you had done for me...

thanks...

sorry making you cry so much...

i believe...if we really mean to be together...god will let us back with each others again...

you will find your way to come back our sweet home...and i will be waiting you there if we have the fate...

love you...

finally...get my baby...

happy happy...^^

i choose to be quiet doesn't mean i don't care or don't mind...

i just don't want any arguement...

i just hope we can pass the days peacefully...

hope you will prove to me...

love you...

i hate you!!!i hate you!!!i hate you!!!

i told you i don't like you always dump me alone at home...

you promise me you won't...but you always didn't do what you had promise...

i hate you!!!

i hate you always make me so emo!!!i hate you always make me cry!!!

i hate you so much!!!!

hope can spend the rest of the day with you with full of joys and smiles...

hope there will be no more pain and tears...

if you really love me and want me to stay...please prove to me...

if not...you are just forcing me to go...

hope you will show me your true heart...

finally...im sick...

but sick at the wrong timing...

how much i wish you were here to take care of me...

i know you already change...change to someone that i don't know at all...

i wish you were here...i need your warm hug and need your care...

i miss you so so so much...

but this is what i hope and wish...it will never come true anymore...

how long could i take this??

when only there will be no more tears...no more pain...

just left with smiles and joys??

when the happy day will come??

have you been enough??!!

you want make me mad only you will happy is it??!!

im your girlfriend now or im the 3rd party now??

why you keep on wanna stick with the bitch??!!!

why you wanna give all your time to her??!!!

FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!

i look back our photos...i only realise this picture was taken on today few years back...

this is the 1st time you bring me go genting...

12th December 2007...

we passes so many years together...

i really don't want to lose you...

i really hope we can walk till the end...

fulfilled all our dreams together...

i miss the time when we at hong kong...

i hope i will have the chance to go trip with you again...

don't know is it possible...

looking at all these pictures...really do make me miss the lovely you so much...

*do you still remember what the snow white ask me...is he your prince?yes...he is my prince...*

i miss when you hug me in sleep...

i miss that you will hug me when we take pictures together...

yesterday i do really waiting you to hug me when we take pictures...but...you didn't...

i do really feel disappointed...

i miss you...i miss the lovely you so so so much...

can the time just turn back??

let me get back the lovely you one more time...

i swear...i will hold you tight not letting you go anymore...

11th December 2011

woke up at 10something...

get myself prepared...went to hubby's house at 12something...

bring my babe along...took picture with her partner...

1st time both of them tooking picture together...

*i hope we will same like that...*

hubby suddenly deide to go genting...

camwhored before depart...

i hope to capture every single moment with you...

may be i can't find back the original both of us...

but i still hope to get the smile in the pictures... 

*thanks for making me smile...thanks for no tears drop on today..*

khoon's driving to genting...reached there around 5pm...

it was so freaking cold there...

took marry brown as out late lunch...

 damn full with it...

 after that went to casino...

1st time went in there...not bad...but i hate those people smoke in there...

hubby won some in there...but end up also lose,,,

after that went to starbuck...have a cup of hot chocolate in the cold weather...

*while at starbuck...*

went back to casino to find khoon's parents...

paid some fees to learn gamble...T.T

reached kl around 10something...

i do feel happy today...thanks... 

thanks for fulfilled one of my wishes...thanks...

hope today will be a good day for both of us...

*praying hard*...

i really don't know why...

i really don't know why...what have i done wrong??why i deserve all this??

why you always blame everything on me??

you say you love me...i always trust you that you still love me...

but why??why??why you want do all these to me??

you have done so many things that really pissed me off...but i also don't want to talk about it anymore...

cause i don't want argue with you anymore...

i really don't know that you hope i stay or leave...

if you want me to leave...okay...i will leave no matter how...but can you spend the remaining time with me with your true love and care??

i don't want tears drop anymore...i hope i can smile with you again...

i really hope we can have happy moments before i leave...that's all i want...

i really don't kknow what you are thinking in your mind...

i really don't know i should leave or i should stay...

chances keep on given to you...but you didn't appreciate me at all...

everytime i tell you i wanna leave...you also not willing to let me go...

you always promise me you will treat me good...but...until now...i can't see your action at all...

you always treat me so cool...always hide so many things from me...

eventhough i asked...you also don't want to answer me...

i really don't know what can i do anymore...

may be i need to let go of my hand slowly...

it had been such a long time i didn't updated my blog...

i will make my blog alive again...filled up with all my colourful stories...

so many things happened in these few months...

my mood never been good till now...

i just hope that all those bad things will go far away from us...i really hope we can passed through this...

do you still remember all our promises and all our dreams??

everything keep on appears in my mind...

and i know...i still love you so much...

nothing gonna change my love from you...

i just hope...you still love me as before and willing to work hard to maintain our dreams...

today is 7th December 2011...it's 7th again...our day...our anniversary...

do you still rememeber how we start on that day??

just wanna say...

HAPPY 53TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY...

i love you...muacks...

i hope i can find back the lovely us in the pictures...

cause i know...the lovely you will be back...

I'll pick up these broken pieces till I'm bleeding...

If that'll make you mine..
Cause there'll be no sunlight...

If i lose you baby...

There'll be no clear skies...

If i lose you baby...